'In the dark' as I am, casting around for answers: I want to know; I don't want to know: I'm covering my eyes at the scary scenes. Today I came across this*: "Observe yourself, and as your eyes gradually become accustomed to the dark, you will see your manipulation of others. You are the cat rubbing at its owner's leg in calculated friendship. You might begin to see your fear that either keeps you hidden from action, or launches you into absurd aggression and hate. You might also begin to see your judgement of others. This condemnation depersonalises people, demeaning them, freeing you for all sorts of legitimate atrocity against them, whether mental, emotional, or physical, whether private or local or international. Manipulation, fear, control, and judgement - these are what you might see, as your eyes become accustomed to your hidden places. How could it be otherwise?" Hard to read and take in, but it's got to...
Come Up to Come Out
"Our secrets and evasions need to be allowed to surface freely for they are our teachers, much more than our supposed successes...If we do not allow things to surface, they will stay buried, with all the anger and spite of the judged and rejected." Essential, but uncomfortable - for ourselves and anyone we're connected to. This is where diaries, and therapists, come into their own. There's something about readiness that's important here: timing, and feeling we have loving support around us, a safe place to deal with this kind of stuff without going under. We may fear the truth is too threatening to handle. When writing about difficult experiences, it's helpful to create a safe distance - take a step back, let the situation happen to someone else; if it's still 'too close to home', set the scene in another town; another era, even. These small simple steps can make a big difference: You are calling the shots on this occasion.
Happiness is an Inside Job
Also in the same book: "Another big moment in life is discovering that we are our own happiness. For happiness is neither an occasion nor a reaction, but a space within us...where all experiences and feelings can be received. This strong inner cavern can receive and hold the raw energy of any emotion our personality throws at us, whether it is disappointment, elation, guilt, sadness, jealously, or rage. The personality is a torrent of various and shifting energies. Yet this space within us is never waterlogged by emotions, for it is distinct from them, with its own prior identity. The space is permanent, the emotions passing. We do not live the emotions....
"It is important that this space can receive all energies in an unthreatened manner. It does not accept some and reject others. It notices, receives and accepts all. rejected energies are dangerous to our happiness as they tend to lodge within us, causing blockages in our being, effecting every level of health. But where there is space in the human soul all energies can be received, whatever their nature, they will cause us no ill, and may bring good. Negative energies will disperse harmlessly, while beautiful energies will percolate vibrantly through every fibre of our being:" The repeating notes each day seems to be about accepting everything, rejecting nothing: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
* The Beautiful Life - Ten New Commandments, Because Life Could Be Better, Simon Parke, 2007, Bloomsbury, London
