My random book-dip* today yielded this uncomfortable gem on how we use self-righteousness for a number of protective functions such as: "(i) It gives us a sense of superiority (albeit false) at a time when our self-esteem is very low (ii) It keeps us from having to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, 'How might I have contributed to the circumstances in my life that don't work?' at a time when we can't face the answer to that question (iii) It allows us to blame others, thus keeping us 'victims,' so we don't have to take action at a time when we are too frightened to act (iv) It serves as self-talk at a time when a part of us needs convincing." Ouch! It hurts to bump into your own shadow. "Who 'pushes your buttons'...?These people are direct reflections of your disowned self...simply look at each person and ask yourself, 'What part of my disowned self am I seeing in him (or her)?'"
Reflect: Retract
"It follows...that in order to gain peace with ourselves, we must not only get in touch with the best of who we are - our Higher Self - but we must also get in touch with what we consider the worst of who we are - our disowned self...not to punish ourselves, but to understand that to be human is to be filled with polarities." She adds another point to reflect on: "...when people manifest their negative side, it is because they have had painful life experiences. Somewhere along the line they have been hurt, put down, and humiliated. No matter how outwardly 'successful' they may be, they have never been taught to feel good about themselves. They have never been taught that they make a difference. When we understand this, it makes it easier to have compassion for someone manifesting destructive behaviour." 'They', of course being a reflection of 'You': owning this is the only way to become whole, which is another term for healing, or 'recovery'.
Read It & Weep
It's helpful to read that: "As with any of our seemingly negative patterns, self-righteousness can be a wonderful teacher if we remember to pick up our mirror whenever self-righteousness rears its ugly head. There will always be a part of us that is insecure...but when we know what questions to ask ourselves in the face of our self-righteousness, we will come out winners in the end: What am I afraid to hear? Why am I feeling so insecure? What part of me is not feeling OK about itself? We might not always come up with answers immediately, but we can learn to say to ourselves: "I'm good enough, whether you agree with me or not...and so are you'..."Trust what you need to learn is within easy reach, perhaps just a book-dip away, or a kindly friend. It's easy to be a Saint in one's own domain, we need other people to be our mirrors to help us learn and grow, so we can...
Recover Respect: Sitting Pretty
"When we are able to reclaim our disowned selves, we no longer need to hold onto our self-righteousness. There's no longer anything to hide, from ourselves or others...In effect, we have to learn to be our own best friend and build ourselves up when we are down, pat ourselves on the back when we've done something right. We need to affirm and live into the idea that: 'I am a beautiful being who has much to contribute to this world.'...When this idea becomes an inner certainty, our self-righteousness 'miraculously' disappears. There is no longer any need to prove anything to anyone else since most of our prior arguments were only meant to convince ourselves that 'we are beautiful beings who have much to contribute to this world!' When we can get to this place of beauty within, we can also begin to drop our destructive competitiveness."
* Opening Our Hearts to Men, Susan Jeffers
