Spotlight on shame: the fear of being seen; the focus of unwanted attention; everything cast in sharp polarities: light/dark; good/bad; self/shadow; projection/introspection. Not wanting to look, unable to face what's out there. Feeling trapped, unable to move. Fear. Hard to surrender to sleep, This morning I woke from bad dreams; breathing shallow; heart feeling as though it had developed a stitch.
First Aid
I suffered severe panic attacks as a young student. Fortunately, I chanced upon a book by Dr. Mary Weeks who explained the physiological effects of hyperventilating and the fear-response. Once triggered there's little one can do but let the pulse race, mouth go dry, head spin, face go numb. It was a 'known thing'. So, when fear kicks in I imagine riding waves of panic on a surfboard, or floating on a cloud-lilo to facilitate relaxing. When a friend told me about their racing pulse, and nightly call-outs from an increasingly exasperated doctor, relaying the process was enough to calm them down, too. This morning I knew to deepen and lengthen my breathing - it automatically has a calming effect. I noticed a book I'd forgotten I had: The Courage to Heal - A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis. I like to believe you always have what you need already. It helps.Compose
Jangled nerves are cacophonous, drowning everything out making it hard to think. To compose oneself begin by sitting still. Take up pen and paper, paints, or musical instrument. Imagine a kindly orchestra conductor: they have the situation in hand. Give your composition a name: Tempest would warrant strident discordant notes; Scream demands shrill tones - these things have their place: everything is exactly as it should be. Besides, now you're regarding these collective feelings as a creative expression, you are in control, this means you can make changes. Bravo!
Repose
What we tell ourselves determines how we feel and react: it's horribly easy to create fearful scenarios guaranteed to kick-start a fear response. Become your own film director. It's ok to have tension and mean characters, you are in control. Decide on a genre: sci-fi allows for super-powers; fantasy enables animals and trees to talk. Be creative with your crisis! Give it the Disney treatment: make your arch rival an overblown exaggerated character (they already are) laugh at the ludicrous comedy of it all. Bring on your champion. It may well be You.
